Wednesday with Mom!

Black Jack: Nothing like snuggling into my soft warm blankets on these cold mornings...
12/30/09 It has taken both of us some time to get re-acclimated to the old routine but think we're getting' there. Mom got her walk yesterday during a brief sunny spell.
Since I was so very good in a more confined space during our time at Robyn's, Mom got this brilliant idea that an even smaller 'wandering area' here at home might be helpful to me. Just like all her other 'experiments' I didn't much like it at first, but in the long run it seems to be making life easier for both of us.
Man, it was a cold dreary day. Mom got to go out for coffee with her friend even though she had just switched me to a different bed and I'd not gone out since the wee hours. Even so, I slept the whole time she was gone. I love just lying around snuggled up in my blankets these days. No accidents--I'm getting the hang of being as good about going as soon as Mom puts me out like I did when we were gone

Christmas holiday with Mom!

12/23-29/09 One morning Mom mistook my tossing as a need to go out to go to the bathroom, but in the cold, blowing snow I decided I'd rather go right back to bed, since I only wanted to change positions in the first place. The trip to Kingman to visit auntie Robyn was great for me although Mom got to employ her driving skills a couple of times. Not much to report during our visit other than that I was a 'perfect gentleman', doing no "no-no's" in the house and sleeping lots so Mom could really enjoy her vacation. She got to go shopping a couple of times and went to two family gatherings. The journey home was a 'sleepy drive' with clouds making the snow around us mesmerizing. Mom is appreciating the great car she has because it seems to be takin' a beatin' but keeps on tickin' well.
12/29/09 Today my dear friend Day was here again to massage Mom who needed it after no holiday exercising, too much good food and carrying me around much of the time. Day picked up that I am simply happily 'chillin' here with Mom. She told me I could choose what my 'next world' will look like and chuckled when I told her good food is the best thing I could think of... 'Course Mom already knew that. Maybe the 'beyond' will be a great place to go afterall.

Week end/trip with Mom!

12/18/09 Mom enjoyed breakfast out with friends and I didn't even miss her--slept through the whole thing. Her head was stuffy and hurt so we didn't take our walks. Instead she was able to figure out some computer stuff--time consuming but challenging and therefore rewarding in the end. Pretty good night...Mom didn't refill my bowl after dinner so I dreamt of breakfast.
12/19/09 And as usual I only ate enough to tide me over for a while. I got to be outside in the sunshine for a long while several times today. Mom took a walk and then the clouds rolled in, so she chose to busy herself with packing for our Christmas holiday trip instead of taking me for my walk. But I certainly can make do with just the fresh air and sunshine. Then of course I wander around at dinner/bedtime.
12/20/09 I planned to post in the morning but even that was impossible since the day was way too busy for me to even get near the computer. Mom never finds it easy to fit all my paraphernalia PLUS Christmas presents into her little sports car for the trip to visit Auntie Robyn, Jim & of course Sugar. I keep trying to figure out how I can help her really truly relax for just a while.
12/21/09 So the trip was a bit of a challenge for Mom but very peaceful for me as you can see by the photo today. I used to have a touch of car sickness which I grew out of, thank goodness since Mom always liked to travel so much. Not without hearing or even seeing very well I no longer have to worry about a thing.

Thursday with Mom!

12/17/09 What a glorious day for a walk! I'm SO glad Mom decided to do what's in her heart and take me for one. It felt like spring again. If I never get another walk this one will be the one to remember. You see, Mom has been getting lots of advice from her friends about my on-going care. Yes, she complains sometimes but I would, too. Well meaning suggestions would have her NOT taking me for my walks since they are so time consuming for Mom along with the fact that they are keeping me healthy and strong. Were she to eliminate exercising me I might just require even more care rather than shortening the time it takes me to decide to leave. But the bigger reason I like that Mom takes me for walks is that it makes her feel good to think she has done something to make my life more pleasant.
In addition my Mom is such a kind, caring human that she sees my love for her as a precious thing--much like the love between an aging spouse or parent, even sibling. She just doesn't understand how that love could be destroyed in the name of convenience. I see that white/silver/gold shimmering light of an angel when she has these thoughts.
Exercising sure whets a guy's appetite, too. I think I ate a whole can of food today. And since Mom buys me nothing but the best (over $2 a can) this is yet another way she says "I really love you".
I had a 'perfect' night, never having to go outside once--too bad Mom tossed and turned almost all night long. Oh, well, so much for being "good"...

Tuesday & Wednesday with Mom!

Black Jack:: What is it that keeps me dreaming about better days instead of going there...sort of like many humans do living their lives.
12/15/09 WELL, I sure didn't need my walk today...it was grooming day. I've been wearing clothes so much to keep warm that when they bathed me and put the dryer on me it felt very strange. Then they even made me lie on my side while they worked on me and I really hate not having control enough to stand on my own four feet. I do understand that they are doing it to help make the experience more bearable for me. But as always when it's all over and done, I sure do feel better. All the rest of the day, however, I paced finally settling down pretty swiftly to a night that was only interrupted twice.
12/16/09 Not too much to report as I've got Mom pretty well trained to my schedule by now >chuckle<. It was only sunny off and on so her intentions to hang laundry outside in preparation for our holiday trip were dashed. It's always interesting to see how she fits laundry day into all her computer work that usually lasts toward lunch time without extra activities. I was happy to see her get out there and take her walk as she always feels better afterward. As I sleep more and more I just have to wonder what it is that keeps me dreaming about better days instead of going there... I understand many humans do the same thing living their lives. Sadly for Mom I seem to be needing to get up more times during the night... what can I do about that... always wanting to make life easier for her, not more difficult.

Monday with Mom!

Black Jack:: Isn't this just the spirit of Christmas...ho, ho ho!?
12/14/09 The sun was shining even though there was frost on my artificial grass when Mom put me outside this morning. Once during the day Mom left me long enough to really enjoy basking in it...almost forgot why I was out there it felt so good. Mom was busy very again today but finished her second big project (a carved wooden pet urn, like only she can do) so that made her feel really good. She even got out in the sunshine for her walk. Then, having gotten so much done, she was really tired. I’m so glad I cooperated and didn't cause her any extra work like scrubbing the floor. I didn't feel like eating until late and Mom didn't refill my bowl. I think she wants me to begin eating earlier in the day. I think I might be hungry tomorrow morning. But we sure did sleep long and well all night long.

Week end with Mom!

Black Jack:: Wonder what would happen if humans would feel and act like it's Christmas all year long? Seems like a strange custom to save it for only one day...
12/11/09 I was sawin' logs when Mom just had to get me going so she could go out with her friend this morning. She gradually got me used to the cold though, so it was okay. Mom got to take her walk but I didn't--instead she worked on her special gift project.
12/12/09 Mom needed to get me up before I was ready since I'd gone out very early in the morning. Seems she was going out yet again to be with another friend. She was gone longer than usual and so I was beginning to wonder where she was by the time she got home. Luckily she was just in time to get me outside before an accident so we were both happy. Mom was especially happy since she came home with presents for people. Seems strange to me that humans save one day a year to be really nice to one another by giving. Wonder what would happen if they would feel and act this way all year long?
12/13/09 Over this long, busy and very interesting week end, Mom listened to some suggestions from several friends that they feel might help me leave and Mom take better care of herself. I just may not get so many walks and may need to work my schedule into Mom's better. Regardless of what may come, I sense a brighter, stronger color around Mom now--a strength and determination replacing that rather discouraging feelings that have been apparent for a long while. I believe this change may have some thing to do with a conference call Mom had with Auntie Robyn & Jim about what might be next. I see that Mom certainly is preparing herself for me to leave, even if it will be hard for her to be without me.

Wednesday & Thursday with Mom!

Black Jack:: It's about time to put on our Santa suits again!
12/9/09 Just trying to stay warm today... With clouds blocking the sun it feels much colder than it probably is. Neither of us had our walk today. Mom is also trying to stay warm and when her art room warmed up with what sun there was, she finally did some carving on an urn for a change. It's good to see her enjoy her creative gift, but only when she is moved to do it. I know when the love between animals and their humans is involved she is more inclined to get absorbed in her projects.
12/10/09 There was a walk in the clouds and a walk in the sunshine today. Mom chose to bundle up and do the former making my walk much more pleasant. One smell I want to take with me is the crisp dry leaves that people had raked into piles. It reminds me of times gone by. All that exercise and fresh air sure work up this old man's appetite. I finally really chowed down today. In the evening Mom worked on a special surprise Christmas present. She doesn't get too many decorations out any more since we are the only ones here. We had an awesome night...I almost slept the whole night long.

Monday & Tuesday with Mom!

Black Jack:: Here's a new geriatric wrinkle...falling asleep in one's food bowl. Can you imagine how much face cleanin' this took?!
12/7/09 Cold, dreary days don't usually glean much excitement to write about. But boy the rain and wind kicked into full gear overnight. Mom was more relaxed about the length of time it took me to settle in, once again trying everything. She put me in her bed at one point, I think more for herself than for me. I do believe she was looking for comfort from the storm. It's tough for her to be the only one responsible for seeing that nothing blows away or is damaged, so her night was short and fitful.
12/8/09 Then the sun came out. Very brisk but not too much wind for my walk. Decided I didn't want to do the whole thing at one time, though. She tugged on me enough to show me the way that the coat I had on kept opening so she had to re-do the velcro. Think she's decided to see to it that I do more during the day than just sleep so that maybe I'll be more tired at night when she likes to sleep. I do try to be good...
Mom was more relaxed about the time it took me to settle in and then it was a very good night since there was no wind to keep Mom worried. She was even able to let go of one more incident of computer frustration and the resulting feeling of isolation from her 'virtual family'.

Week end with Mom!

Black Jack: Morning cuddles--great for our cold, rainy weather.
12/5/09 I tried so hard to not have to get out of my warm bed this morning. But Mom let me sleep in her arms until the urge was too strong to ignore. Think she feels like she can anticipate better when I need to go that way.
Man, Mom has me so bundled up against the cold that I walk sort of like a little piggy. And it's probably pretty funny from some perspective to see how I certainly can't get up when I roll over. But I don't feel too badly, since after my walk Mom went for hers and she looked almost as roly poly as I do!
Poor Mom, all squeaky clean and cozy, having to scrub the kitchen floor. Seems she took pity on me from the cold again too soon--before the urge hit. AND Mom relaxed a bit too well just before bedtime, so the kitchen floor is gradually shining from all the scrubbing...
12/6/09 Not much to report today except that I watched Mom busy herself with some holiday stuff and cooking her granola... more time to 'be'... UNTIL night came, that is--what a change for lovely peaceful colors to dark stormy ones. Mom stayed up later than usual with a project and I think she was trying to outsmart my behaviors. Normally I relieve myself around 8 and then again a couple of hours later (normally AFTER I've been tucked into bed). She observed the 8 pm pee and so after 10 she took me out and waited...and waited...and waited. I just didn’t feel like going, no matter how hard I tried. She put me in the kitchen where I went sound asleep. In order to know if I need care in the night, she puts me in the bedroom where I immediately acted as if I wanted to get out of bed. So she tried outside then the kitchen but nothing seemed to work until about midnight. I must report that Mom 'lost her cool' over having to put her full attention on trying to figure out what I want/need for 2 whole hours of her sleeping time. I think she was especially upset because she thought maybe we could actually avoid having to go out in the middle of the night. I know her love for me never waivers but she really hates what my age is doing to me...

Friday with Mom!

12/4/09 Boy, I'm not liking this cold weather--other than the extra cuddling I'm getting from Mom, that is. She went out to enjoy the company of one of her friends today, but wasn't gone very long. I was snuggled into my bed with my undershirt and a coat on. I had just gotten up when she returned.
It was another day of frustrations for Mom, but she rallied with a special Christmas project and some potentially good news about what could be next for her. She kept an eye on me all the while so we didn't have any accidents at all.
Mom was told it's supposed to get warmer and rain lots in a few days--I'll let you know which I like more, the cold or the rain. I know Mom isn't fond of being cold, thus our staying in all day long today--other than freezing outside for bathroom duty, that is.
I pulled an all nighter--that is I actually slept all night long. And who would want to climb out of a warm bed to go out in the freezing cold and squat? In fact Mom had to put an extra blanket on me in the middle of the night so my bed was extra cozy then.

Wednesday & Thursday with Mom!

Black Jack: How do you like my new winter 'undershirt'?
12/2/09 In an attempt to figure out what makes me so restless at night, Mom turned off the heat in my bed, so I was sort of chilly when I woke up. Of course Mom snuggled me awake and put me back in a warm cozy bed where I stayed once again until she got back with groceries. Once today Mom was working so hard she couldn't get away before the urge hit me to pee on the floor. So she didn't get mad at me at all. I still had to wait outside in the cold until the mopped floor dried, though. And speaking of cold, here in Arizona it's so cold Mom & I sometimes feel like we won't ever get warm again. Makes one want to go to bed already--at least when it's heated for me like Mom does. It was a very good night with several hours on undisturbed sleep for Mom.
12/3/09 Once again I was snuggled awake. Yesterday Mom finally found an old sweater that I had refused to wear for a long time. She feels, rightly so, that it will be more comfortable for every day wear than the shirts. I wouldn't wear it when my eyesight was going because I didn't want anyone touching my legs. But now I am resigned to letting Mom carefully, gently handle me. So not I have an 'undershirt' to wear.
Mom took her walk...beautiful day, but then the wind came up. And that wind was so cold, Mom opted to make the walk short which suited me since I don't really like the icy (for AZ) wind blowing up my shirt. Besides I was pretty stuff legged and wobbly, so Mom got all the messages loud and clear. Mom almost forgot to eat before the computer fixer/friend came. Tony was awesome...not just because he helped Mom with her computer but because he seemed to really care about me--and we all know 'dog people' are really cool.
We got a full 5 hours of uninterrupted sleep last night before I had to go out--think Mom might just celebrate!

Monday & Tuesday with Mom!

11/30/09 Got to awaken being cuddled in my warm blanket. Later, Mom gave me a good massage. It felt good to get the fancy shirt off for a bit since I wear it all the time now. Originally it was to keep the sun off, now to help keep me warm. Then she put a clean shirt back on--I really, really get them dirty with my sloppy eating. Guess I need a bib like a baby!
Today was the day for Day to come and give Mom her massage. I love Day and really appreciate seeing her--especially today. She always helps Mom get messages from me. Today I made it clear that I'm no longer feeling much of anything. Day thought I was being stubborn staying this long, but that's just not in my nature. I'm the easy going type. So together they figured out that I just love Mom so fiercely that I simply don't want to leave her. Apparently one CAN love another too much since I know I'd be more free and happy on the other side. Hey, just figured out that if I'm numb in body as well as mind, maybe that's why my legs wobble and don't support me very well. Guess one would say the colors are a now a dim white, silver, gold glimmering light of angels. Perhaps they will shimmer more brightly soon.
The night was awful. I kept thinking about what Day had helped me realize and was only happy after Mom put me in bed with her. Sadly this left Mom with a sleepless night, too.
12/1/09 I was really tired today of course and so after 'duty call' Mom put me back in my 'kitchen bed' where I stayed until she got home from a short trip! Of course Mom was really, really tired, too but she had to go. Strangely she had the energy to take her walk and then take me, too. Since she could do this for us/me I did my walk well even finding some sniffs. Our night started like last night, but Mom made it clear she wasn't going to be able to do the 'no sleep' thing again, so I finally got nested and we did well.Mo