Saturday, August 28, 2010
Yesterday, feeling a bit lonely I had the sensation, looking down at my feet, that another dog would be good company. Then I realized I’m not ready and it’s not all about being unable to bear the thought of care giving again yet. Rather it’s as much...that no dog could ever give as much as Black Jack did..., and in his own very special unique way. I want and need to bask in that gift for a while longer.
Then three sunflower colored butterflies kept me company as I hung and took down the laundry today...
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
From our dear friend Kat:
NATIVE AMERICAN PRAYER
I give you this one thought to keep--
I am with you still - I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glints on the snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush,
I am the swift, uplifting rush of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not think of me as gone--
I am with you still--in each new dawn.
I've been very busy (maybe too busy) since Jack left. I spent about 5 days visiting Robyn & Jim, then a day shopping in Prescott with a friend, another afternoon Sedona with another friend for a very long lunch and finally got to Sedona for the movie "Eat, Pray, Love" (the lessons of which seemed all for ME!). I also rearranged my office area as suggested by Day, my spiritual communicator, and have been finding places for some 'hand me down' home décor that I brought back me from Jim's—he’s condensing with Robyn and renting his home. I suppose this would called busyness, but sure is fun!
I also finally got Black Jack's ashes home where they belong. I was perturbed at first that they came in a white TIN box with black paw prints on it, until I realized that works better with his personality than the stately wooden box Katie's ashes are in. Now I’m 'perfecting' their special [separate] shelves on my entertainment center. I haven't 'heard' from Black Jack yet but I rather expected that I might not since I feel we had been complete for a very long time. His essence is a part of mine now and I know that on a deep level. It occurred to me that he filled me with so much love there was and is nothing lacking. I miss him of course, but I also know we're BOTH much better off--ESPECIALLY him!
SO I’ve not taken much time yet to just be alone. Instead I’m rather enjoying the 'flying' part for now I guess (like he is…)—consciously being open to what new experience, adventure, life awaits.
Friday, August 13, 2010
Five days later... There are seconds from time to time that I go to the past and the sad way Black Jack’s living & leaving looked to me, but I KNOW that his love is here and so I can immediately come back to the present JOY we both have the opportunity to bask in now. His little body contained SUCH a huge loving soul that now he's free of the heavy body we can all realize this even more.
My two friends who read spirit energy reinforced that so beautifully again today with their unsolicited messages from my boy!! I’m SO grateful.
Day told me she senses Black Jack's presence being with me a lot. The feeling is that he, like I, at this time is redefining his life, learning to enjoy other friendships and activities. His angel who loved him too much to go, left him to his fun immediately after she saw me on 8/9.
Kat wrote…Thank you so much for sharing with me all of the writings and how things went [with Black Jack]...I am so glad you feel free to be Judy, however that plays out for you. Black Jack is most ecstatically happy (still!) to be free, and your timing was just perfect. He is at peace, he feels free as a soul again, not trapped as he was in his body, and he is showing me that he is surrounding you with energy like a spiderweb – a 3-D spiderweb, of Love and Joy energy to brighten your days and give your heart comfort and ease. He is not sad at all – he is joyous, and wants that for you too, and [is] PERFECTLY OKAY with you feeling that way! The Love Lives On, my dear, as we know.
Black Jack is an amazing soul – thank you for the pleasure and honor of knowing him and working with him and you over the years.
Thursday, August 12, 2010
THE REST OF THE STORY…
Jack & Judy’s journey
There is so very much that has come to light with Black Jack’s passing. I share our experience with the sincere hope that it might provide some nugget of Truth for you, too. Although not everyone is blessed to bond so long and so closely with their pet as I was allowed, I believe the same messages are offered by them to us all.
The transition of my loving companion has become a euphoric experience, but the journey wasn’t all ‘roses’…
I feared that my poor boy was staying even though struggling in his decrepit body because he might be sensing that I feared the unknown of re-inventing myself once he was no longer my entire focus. All my life has been centered on being of service to others never truly knowing Judy.
My fears were calmed enough to consider giving Jack his freedom by Robyn’s suggesting the next steps for my life be taken slowly, ‘one bite at time’.
On Sunday, August 8, following my contacting both Day and Kat, pet communicators, for their input and support, Kat shared that when the heavy energy around her care giving with her elderly dog lifted, she was able to move forward more clearly. It’s wonderful to have such wise counsel and one never knows from where it will come…
Also loving Jack, Kat immediately did the intuitive reading I’ve shared (Jack’s final words of wisdom and wishes) but Day didn’t get my email. However she called to come by for another, unrelated issue. Before she arrived she was being given messages from Jack that it was time. Both of my pet communicators had repeatedly told me that my boy would choose his departure time. I took their messages literally; they were able to show me he was indeed choosing by my coming to the conclusion he needed assistance to go now. Both of us were desperately trying to please the other—me thinking he wanted to stay, him waiting for me to be ready to let him go. So he did choose…
After a 3 hour drive, Robyn arrived the same evening and in telephoning answering services for the hours of veterinarians in the area, were led to a very caring doctor who was available 24 hours. It all seemed so fast that my head was swimming. But nothing would have changed, were his passing to be delayed another 12 hours—we simply would have both had one more difficult night.
So Black Jack demanded one more huge bowl of his food/soup. We read the prayers that Kat shared with us. I had his blue blanket in mind to take with us, but didn’t find it anywhere until the next day so I chose another one. On the drive to the vet’s office Black Jack was totally relaxed on my lap. It was such a ‘warm and fuzzy hug’ I wanted it to go on forever. But then Day returned a call I’d made earlier to her. While we were talking Black Jack indicated that he wanted her to get off the phone quickly so he could also finish enjoying his relaxing in my lap.
Black Jack knew exactly where and why we were there. He became agitated in my arms, even crying out and throwing his head back. I wondered if he were afraid, doing all I could to comfort him—but not enough. Just as the injection was being given he once again threw his head back which caused me more devastating concern! Robyn was there and reassured me that his eyes were peaceful as he left, so I was somewhat comforted. When it was all done he gently sighed…
August 9 was a day of grieving, doubting, missing him, reminiscing with laughter watching videos of him young and happy. What great therapy—now I can remember him this way and let go of the last sad several years. I’m so glad Robyn shared it with me.
Day was scheduled to visit again. And once more Black Jack sent her with messages so I could completely rid myself of any negativity around his transition. First, his agitation was his attempting to leave his body before I had to watch him receive the injection. The whole time his angel never left his side—even as he was throwing his head back that final time saying “I’m SO ready, take me!”. And if this were not the case, any pain, struggle, discomfort endured on this side is totally overshadowed by the exquisiteness that greets them.
The next confirmation was the gorgeous sunrise the next day.
August 10 was exhilarating because all I ever wanted was for my boy to be happy.
I’ve not had a visit yet, but rather feel him with me all the time as we simultaneously process our new joy, supporting one another. A few times I imagine hearing his quiet sounds in the night but instantly realize… When I begin to feel sorry for myself, I remember all these things, and of course that I got to care for him so very many years. The sadness is mixed with the freeing feeling that I no longer “belong” to anyone. This feels almost malleable like clay that I now get to mold into whatever I choose.
Yesterday and today I’m coming down to earth but feeling and determined to pay attention to my best Black Jack guidance! It seems quite strange to have choices that don’t revolve around anyone but myself—I’m managing to cope so far… Quite frankly it feels rather good to answer to just Judy for the first time in my life.
Tuesday, August 10, 2010
August 8, 2010, was numerologically a 10 day, about completion and release (one--new beginnings, zero--hidden meanings). This is the day Black Jack was assisted to leave his aging body behind so his spirit could fly free again. It has indeed proven to live up to its symbolism.
Yesterday, August 9, he conveyed to me through Day that he is ‘eating up’ the magnificence on the other side. He was very busy visiting with everyone, taking in all the love. Any pain or fear that he might have been experienced while in his body is completely irrelevant, minute compared to the awe surrounding him.
When he finally takes time to realize he’d better stop by to check up on Mom, I’m told he will be delivering all the love he was unable to physically show in the last few years of his decline.
The angel that was with him before and during his release just won’t leave him yet because she simply loves him too much. Day says she has never seen this happen before. Didn’t we all know he was special?
His lifelong companion, Katie Lou, and he really never bonded in this lifetime so understandably he has said hi to her but they aren’t hanging out together. In fact, the dog pal who visited Black Jack when he was still here is with him. He (or I prefer to think of this new friend as a she..) is white with black markings. I can only think that he must have been smitten with one of the puppies that was born around the time he was.
As for me and new beginnings, everything looks and feels gloriously new to me, too. I’m feeling Black Jack’s presence almost all the time as the partner he was when he was here, but in a deeper more profound way. It’s as if we are both embarking on exciting new adventures separately but together and buoyed up by what we’ve shared and learned from one another.
And hidden meanings…well, I’ll write lots more about that in later reports—all sort of mind boggling. There are no words to express the gratitude I’m feeling for having been blessed with the presence of such a ‘spiritual advisor’ for so many years. I thought to myself today, should I grow tired of the aloneness, I would be doing myself a disservice by not welcoming another wise animal into my life.
Sunday, August 8, 2010
I am tired, very very tired...it is frustrating to not be able to run
freely, to move easily, to Be as I was for so very long--active, athletic,
energetic...I have used this body
for a very long time, and it has served me well. It is tired and worn out, that
I know. And so . . .
...Mom is about to have to make a heart felt choice for her precious baby boy--together going into our 20th year.